Less Muscle. More Meaning. How to Negotiate with Heart.

Download the Negotiation Tip Sheet here.

Ever felt your stomach clench just before asking for what you really want?

From negotiating a salary increase, to calming a colleague, negotiation is everywhere. It’s a human skill - messy, emotional, necessary - and with a little grace, it can be deeply connective.

Howard Baker, a former U.S. senator and White House Chief of Staff known for his diplomatic leadership, once said, “The most difficult thing in any negotiation, almost, is making sure that you strip it of the emotion and deal with the facts.”

Baker’s not wrong. But here’s a twist: What if we didn’t strip away emotion? What if, instead, we acknowledged emotion and honored it?

Emotion Isn’t the Enemy

Sometimes, the hardest part of negotiation is managing the swirl of feelings, both yours and theirs. Anger. Defensiveness. Hope. Fear. That’s normal. Emotions, when recognized, however, can guide us.

Studies show emotional intelligence is a top predictor of negotiation success. Empathy helps you hear what’s not being said. Self-awareness keeps you from reacting out of old stories. Emotional regulation helps you pause, rather than pounce.

Or as many people's grandmothers used to say: “You can say almost anything, as long as you say it kindly.”

Preparation Meets Presence

Before you ever speak a word, the real negotiation begins inside. What do you want? What are you willing to walk away from? How do you plan to show up?

Here’s a truth worth tacking to your mirror: The more prepared you are, the more flexible you can be. Preparation gives you presence. You’re not winging it. You’re grounded.

Knowing your BATNA (your Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement) is one way to anchor yourself. It’s your Plan B, your safety net. It helps you know your “no,” which frees you to explore creative “yeses.”

Negotiation is a Bridge

Negotiation is like building a bridge: slow, intentional and stronger when both sides help carry the weight.

According to CareerBuilder, 73% of employers "would be willing to negotiate salary, yet 55% of workers "do not even ask for a higher salary when offered a new position."

That's millions of conversations that never happen because people assume the answer is "no" before they've even started thinking about bridging a divide that may not even exist.

Ask More. Assume Less.

Sometimes, negotiation is about asking better questions that open doors:

• “Can you help me understand what’s most important to you here?”

• “What would make this feel like a win for you?”

• “What are we not seeing yet?”
  

Questions like these move us from our own positions to examining others' possibilities. They shift the tone from tug-of-war to shared curiosity.

Expand the Pie

We’ve all heard it: “Split the difference.” It sounds fair, but often it just papers over real needs.

A win-win approach means looking for creative ways to meet more needs (not just divide the goodies). Sometimes that looks like adjusting timelines. Sometimes it’s trading services. Sometimes it’s just taking a breath and starting again with a clearer understanding of what actually matters.

Grace in the Gap

Not every negotiation ends with a handshake. Sometimes it ends in stillness. Or silence. Or a slow "yes" after a series of "nos."

Grace lives in that gap. It’s the quiet courage to say, “I trust myself.” It’s the humility to say, “Let’s keep talking.” It's the compassion to say, “Even if we don’t agree, I see your humanity.”

Negotiation, at its best, is an invitation to connect. It's a conversation between people, full of potential and possibility.

Download the Negotiation Tip Sheet here.